Real Girl.

...day 2...

2011-08-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

There are people we can't live without, but have to let go in order to move on.

SAKLAP.

day 2. still trying. still coping.

...hello world...

2011-08-02T16:45:00.003+08:00

hello! it's been a while since i last blogged about my life. so after my rotation in OLLH, it was PGH-Pedia. it was a rough time from adjusting to petix buhay to a GGB buhay. well, all i can say that it was worth the experience. the tears, the sleepless nights and the sacrifices that I made during my stay there. it was a fun experience. so many learnings. super cool CS and super GGB life. i really miss my kids :( i wish i could have spent more time with them but i know that everything is temporary and it ends once in a while. well, i know that I did my best in this rotation and it's all up to God now. :)

...you should know...

2011-05-08T11:15:00.003+08:00

i'm really trying my best in all walks of life. all i could say is that i'm tired reaching out. i'm tired of always making way and sacrifices just to make you happy. you should know when a daughter is trying. hindi lang ikaw ang pagod. hindi lang ikaw ang laging tama. yung pride mo bawasan mo. matututo kang magbigay. hindi ikaw yung laging binibigyan ng attention. nasasaktan din kami. hindi lang ikaw. i'm trying and i know i did my part. you would not hear anything from me again. ikaw na ang tama palagi. it's your day anyway.

just so you know, you should know when a daughter is trying.

...buhay nga naman...

2011-04-21T14:22:00.002+08:00

may mga taong sadyang hindi marunong tumanaw ng utang na loob.

may mga taong sadyang makakapal ang mukha at hindi marunong mag-isip bago magsabi ng kung anu-ano.

may mga taong sadyang hindi nakakaintindi.

may mga taong sadyang walang pakialam sa nararamdaman mo.

buhay nga naman.

live with it. play with it.

game on.

...nothing is permanent...

2011-04-18T17:51:00.002+08:00

i never believed in love at first sight. but when i saw you, i started to believe in it. i know i wasn't suppose to fall in love with you. i tried to stop. but whenever we're alone, there's just something in you that tells me you like me too. simple moments we've shared makes my heart skip a beat. your voice lightens up my day and your presence makes me safe. i don't know how long i could keep this. but i know that from the start, i should have stopped. i will try. but i'm not promising anything. it's been 2 weeks. and i'm happy that i was able to see you today. but more than that, thank you for making "PARINIG" that you want to have a girlfriend and that you are asking other people to help you find someone. but then i again, i'm just here. IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW and IN CASE YOU ARE INSENSITIVE MISTER. :)

temporary love should end soon and that is NOW :(

...on life and friendship...

2011-03-29T11:38:00.004+08:00

it has been exactly 6 months and 26 days since i stopped. i'm really very proud of myself since the last time i tried, it only lasted for about 4 months. it was not very hard on my part since i'm not really dependent on it. i just do it whenever i am stressed out with school work, whenever i feel sad that i am single, whenever i think about how my heart used to be broken into thousand of pieces, and whenever i am alone. it all started with ME and how i wanted to live a healthier life. my efforts were sort of successful since i'm targeting to reach a year.

on the other hand, with that success lies another failure. why do people lie? i just don't get it why people need to say bad things about you behind your back even though they are your friends? i used to be okay and be fine with whatever people say about me. maybe because i do not know them personally. but with friends, it was hard to deal with. i may not be the greatest friend that you will have but deep inside, i tried to be the best for everyone. i still cannot understand why this happened to me. of all the people i thought who would be there and understand me, it was YOU WHO BETRAYED ME. with you comes another YOU. so there are two people in this world who i actually considered as my friends but in reality was just faking the friendship we had. God only knows why this happened to me. maybe to teach me a lesson. that not all people we consider friends are the right people to trust with every deepest darkest secret we have in life. and maybe somehow God is teaching me a lesson that i should open my horizons to the social world and find the true meaning of friendship.

in spite and despite the things that happened, one thing's for sure, even though i have a smaller circle friends than most of my friends have, i do not need to worry for they are the people that God gave me; to embrace my mistakes and faults, to accept my whole being, to be the best and trustworthy friends that i have. they may be few, but they are very real. you guys know who you are. and i just want to thank each and everyone of you for always being there for me through thick and thin, through happy and sad times, through laughter and tears. Thank you Papa God for the friends i have and for the friends that i will have.

...and for the people who were my friends and became my enemies now, i do not need to apologize for who i am. THIS IS WHO I AM.

a REAL GIRL. :)

when emoness strikes...

2011-02-06T21:47:00.003+08:00

oh. so i was trying to study but then my brain just went blank and my attention span got disrupted. so i decided to have a sound trip. i turned on my ipod touch and so it played waiting by ne-yo, move on by bruno mars, together by ne-yo and real girl by mutya buena. ideas and thoughts just kept running in my mind. lesson learned: i know exactly who am i and together with the Lord i can be the best OT that i can and will be in the near future. it takes a lot of wisdom and knowledge but also hard work plays an important role.

NOW PLAYING: 6th Day Medley. i just can't help think about you when this plays. but i know i'm over. i don't miss you. i am not bitter. because my heart says so :) when you said it's over i know it was really over. for real. it just took me that long to understand and accept the fact that we were not meant to be.

OKAY...this blog is really emo. hahahah fudge. bye for now. prelims tomorrow. good luck to me :)

another day

2011-02-05T18:43:00.002+08:00

oh great. was awake at 3:30 a.m. had to go to the toilet and do that thing. and then i slept again and then pops woke me up at 6:00 and he said that he's bringing me to school. so i had to wake up and take a bath. was in school around 7:00 and was trying to study for OT7 and so somehow i was able to study. SOME. not all. anyway and then resmeth group arrived and we did our assignment and then went to lolo's with gayle to buy porkchop!!! GREAT FOOD I SWEAR. nadeen and maru ate my macaroni. and then helped in folding letters for alumni and affiliated centers and got surprised that my name, number and e-mail address was written and printed in those letters. so scared! anyways, then went to father pio and went home and ate dinner. great food again.

just realized that friends will always stick with you no matter what. was happy that i was able to see allen, kirstie, karen q, vernix and lee anne. i miss lee anne the most. and i'm so happy and proud that she's exempted from taking the orals. i just wish i could be an intern soon and be like her. i really admire her. sana makayanan ko din lahat. but all the pressure is with her for their thesis. but i believe that she can do it.

anyway, that's all for now. hoping for a better week ahead. i know it's impossible. but i'll try! hahaha :)

i'll never be the same.

2011-02-04T17:48:00.002+08:00

grabe! prelims nanaman next week. hindi pa ako handa sa panahon na ito. sobrang lapit na. parang wala pa akong natutunan. mixed emotions ako. hindi ko alam kung kakayanin kong harapin ang panibagong pagbabago sa buhay ko. i'm really hoping that everything will turn out okay. i just need to do well and exert a lot of effort. sana naman maging maayos ang lahat. gusto ko na maging isang intern. gusto ko na grumaduate. nakakastress ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo. sana kayanin kong labanan at harapin ang lahat ng iyon. ayoko na madapat ulit. mahirap kasi bumangon. ngayon na okay na ako, sana maging mas okay pa. dahil di ko na kayang madelay pa ulit. hay. sana in time i get to be more responsible with things and studies. sana no more addiction to royal pains. Lord, please give me your strength and your wisdom so that i can get thru this challenge. i believe that you love me and will never leave me. i know i'll never be the same because now i'm stronger. stronger than ever. :) happier than ever :)

...why do people leave?...

2010-10-07T19:33:00.002+08:00

okay...so here's the deal. K is LEAVING!!!!!! :( i'm super kaduper sad about it! i swear! i never thought we would get along and be friends. i'm gonna miss calling her up at 5:30 in the morning just to wake her up and remind her to go to school and study. i'm gonna miss her text messages, thanking me for making 17 missed calls just to wake her up. i'm gonna miss our med parking moments wherein we park in front or behind each other. i'm gonna miss sharing my breakfast with her. i'm gonna miss everything about K...i know it's for your own good. but it's so hard not seeing you around. being with you. hanging around at the library, in my car waiting for my boyfriend to pass by, in the SC office. i don't know what to say anymore. this is so depressing :(

...tomorrow will be better...

2010-09-06T18:42:00.001+08:00

i just can't stop thinking what to do tomorrow. i really don't want to see any professors tomorrow. i just hate the feeling. anyways, tomorrow will be another day. tomorrow will be better. I KNOW :)

...i'm inspired...

2010-08-16T18:27:00.002+08:00

was thinking of trying to revive my blog. hahaha :) inspired by someone. a close friend of mine :) if you get to read this, please do text me :) i love you :) hahaha :)

marami nang nangyari since my last blog entry. anyways, let's not go back to the past. just remain calm and focus for the next 2 months in order to pass 4th year. lagi ko nalang sinasabi sa sarili ko na shet malapit na. konting tiis nalang. konting hardwork pa and i know it will pay off in the end. gusto ko kasing maging magaling. pero sabi nga ni dra. fidel if you don't know your basics, you will have a hard time. last year ko pa kasi gusto mag kines. kaya lang ayaw naman ni ma'am sally. ayan tuloy wala na akong maalala sa mga pinag-aralan ko? o sadyang hindi lang talaga ako matalino at mahina ang memory ko? oh well. whatever nalang.

inspired ako. OO. promise. grabe ang tagal na kitang stinastalk. if you only knew. hahaha. gaya nga ng sabi ko kanina, what a great way to start the day, i saw your car :) enough for me :) please, no more hiding from me? i really want to see you. namimiss kita pag hindi kita nakikita. at kinikilig talaga ako ng bongga whenever i get to see you. you complete me. you complete my day. YUK may ganon eh. YUN OH! hahaha :) maraming taong nagsasabing wag na ikaw, iba nalang. kasi nga wala ka daw personality. pero how would i know? HANGGANG EYE CONTACT PADIN TAYO. jusko naman. hahahaha :) anyways, still hoping to see you soon. i miss the sound of your voice :(

I LOVE YOU :) yuk i love you na agad. hahaha :)

...new year, new priorities...

2010-01-30T18:15:00.002+08:00

another year started 30 days ago. time flies so fast that in one day or less, a month of that new year will be ending soon.

last year was painful and difficult for me. everything WAS painful and difficult.

i want to start the year right. i said i will stop. but i didn't. school, studies, grades and friends are stressing me too much. i don't know how to handle it anymore. it has been ages since i last had problems with these. but i rather focus on what is more important to me. school. studies. grades.

PRIORITY 1: PRAY PRAY PRAY!

PRIORITY 2: STUDY STUDY STUDY!

PRIORITY 3: focus!!!!

PRIORITY 4: spend less time playing cafe world!

PRIORITY 5: HAVE FAITH and TRUST IN YOURSELF.

PRIORITY 6: PROVE THEM WRONG

EQUALS: PASS 3rd YEAR. :)

...love goes a long way...

2009-09-09T20:33:00.005+08:00

Love can never be wrong.

Heartbroken people tend to think that it's the end of the world. They think that they never gave their best shot on love. That even though they gave up everything for the person, it's just not enough. Because love itself will never be enough to make someone stay. But there are still things in life that we can achieve and learn through this experience. We learn to be independent and we learn a lot of things about ourselves. We can have a lot of time for ourselves, family and friends. We can do things that we thought we could never do alone. We become strong and we learn to stand up for ourselves.

They say that best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it even if that person can never be yours, even if you know that it can't last forever. That's the true essence of love. It's not about winning someone. It's not about owning a relationship. It's about being happy because you know you've loved someone. It's about being guiltless because you know you didn't take away someone from anyone. You just loved and loved unselfishly.

Two sides of the story. One subject. Love.

Love definitely goes a long way :)

...i loved my 26th :)...

2009-02-26T12:49:00.005+08:00

finally this day came. after anticipating and counting for years.

finally i am awake. from those sleepless nights.

finally i could face reality. without being scared.

finally i am strong. on my own, on my own feet.

finally i knew how to quit you. without hurting myself.

finally it's over. the agony, the pain, the sufferings.

finally i'm over YOU. i loved my 26th.

finally we're over. and we've reached the end :)

*26 days of no smoking. and still counting*

...bwisit ka...

2009-02-19T20:04:00.006+08:00

bwisit ka.

these two words are the last words that i want to hear.

exag kasi. iba yung feeling pag sinabihan ka na bwisit ka. kahit na wala ka namang ginawa.

nakakapikon kasi eh.

as if it was my fault.

oh well. whatever.

i really don't care anymore...

PUTANGINA. (my favorite word)

...am i lucky? or it's just fate?...

2009-02-11T21:02:00.007+08:00

well well well, there are a lot of things that happened already. pero ano bang mga natutunan ko?

first, i'm happy kasi i got high sa ana lab prelims but syempre mababa prax ko so baka mapull down nanaman grade ko. but as far as i'm concerned with my grades, i'm happy naman. yun lang, i have to double or at least triple my effort in the third shift.

2nd, i'm happy kasi nakapagmove on na XA. hahaha kung cno man XA. basta happy ako para sa knya :)

3rd, money matters...i'm almost finish saving for THE THING. so far so good just one more week of allowance and then i'm done with it. and so i can start saving again.

4th, palagi ko siya naiisip. pero hindi ko parin magets bakit? i mean after all na nangyari at mga ginawa niya sakin, bakit parang i'm not yet over sa kanya. minsan ayaw ko nalang isipin pero ang daming signs. pero i'm happy padin kasi i'm not emotionally stressed na unlike before. kasi dati talaga parang end of the world na. pero dapat hindi ko naisipin db?

5th, it's my 11th day of quitting. happy happy happy :) as in super :)

6th, sad 'coz i'm always alone at home. but i'll get to see them naman on may :) sana may itouch nako hahaha :)

so, am i lucky? or it's just fate coming thru my way? hehehe :)

...when will everything fall in place?...

2009-01-08T10:13:00.009+08:00

i'm just wondering kung ako na ba talaga yung pinakamalas na tao sa buong mundo? i'm really really frustrated about the results of ana lec and lab. i mean, i gave my best shot. gave my best effort to pass the exams in the first shifting. pero damn. hindi padin. is it really me? do i have to change my study habits? triple my efforts? gosh. i studied for that. really. but wala pa din.

sobrang daming bad stuff na nangyari last year sa akin. tapos ito pa ulit. when will everything fall in place? when i've totally given up on everything? and on everyone? even myself? i really don't know what to do anymore and i really don't know what went wrong with me. i'm not like this before. i excel. pero now. gosh. nothing. wala. walang wala.

putangina. (my favorite word)

...merry christmas...

2008-12-25T21:30:00.011+08:00

hey everyone. merry christmas :)

anyways, grabe malamig nanaman ang pasko. grabe ah. hahaha ang emo ko forever. hahaha :)

okay, going back. merry christmas. sana everyone had a great christmas celebration.

today was fun. super gulo sa house ni guama. as in super ingay. parang walang bukas at parang ang tagal nilang hindi nagkita-kita. hahaha :) and then gift giving was sort of fast, actually super fast talaga. unlike before. may santa pa kami and all. food was super sarap. ANDOK'S CHICKEN! and prawns talaga super sarap. and the dessert! promise hahaha sana may ganun ulit sa new year.

i receive super cool gifts din. i wanted a new wallet. and then poof. yey. i have new wallet. sana maswerte yung wallet na yun sa akin. and then what else? ah, a folder case or something like that, pink from sanrio. and then ampao :) yehey.

then, went home. slept. and then woke up around 4 then left to buy something from DIY in greenhills. and today is my lucky day. RED LIGHT WAS ON!!! YEHEY!! KK again! super sarap promise. then went to cali, fixed some stuffs and then left there aorund 6 p.m. then went to eat dinner at north park. there. and then went home na :)

anyways, i wish everyone had a merry merry christmas :)

...my second day in school...

2008-11-05T18:05:00.005+08:00

it was my second day today in school for the second sem.

isa lang masasabi ko. ang boring. hahaha. 9 am yung ana lab namin. 9:30 na ata pumasok yung mga prof. tas nag orientation lang until 10. exag tlga. bad trip. hindi pa naman ako masyadong nakatulog kagabi. ayun wala lang.

ocge. next time nalang ulit. hahaha. gusto ko lang talaga magpost :)

...welcome...

2008-10-30T19:28:00.010+08:00

grabe. namiss ko ang blogspot ah. hehehe. thanks to joy. hahaha at naisipan ko ulit gumawa ng account dito sa blogspot.

anyways, excited nako for next sem. hope magtuloy tuloy naman na yung mga magagandang bagay na nangyayari sakin hehehe :)